Free Hugs
by whowhatsitwhich
Summary: it's called exposure therapy. The patient, aka you, is exposed to the feared context in a safe setting in order to help them overcome their anxiety." She proffered the sign with a hopeful smile. "Ten minutes. That's all I'm asking for. C'mon, tough guy, ten measly minutes."
1. Chapter 1

"How the hell is this supposed to help me? It's stupid is what it is."

Dr. Denise Cloyd rubbed her forehead and took a couple of breaths before she answered the latest objection from her most frustrating and challenging patient. "Daryl, your history has taught you to associate physical touch with pain. You need to learn that some touches can bring with them good feelings as well. Comfort, acceptance, pleasure. I will concede that this idea is a bit unorthodox but I think it'll give the most benefit with little little effort. All you have to do is stand there, holding a sign."

"How the fuck is this even a thing? You sure you didn't have that degree printed down at Staples or something?"

"Actually I ordered it from Amazon," Denise commented dryly. "The paper quality was more convincing." She sat across from him and leaned her elbows on the table. "If you want to get scientific, it's called exposure therapy. The patient, aka you, is exposed to the feared context in a safe setting in order to help them overcome their anxiety. You'll be in a public place on a crowded street. Nobody is going to force you to do anything you don't want to do." She proffered the sign with a hopeful smile. "Ten minutes. That's all I'm asking for. C'mon, tough guy, ten measly minutes."

He stared her down and then jerked the sign out of her loose grasp, cursing fluently under his breath. "Next time you're gonna tell me to pick out a theme song or practice smiling at myself in the mirror or some shit."

Denise suppressed the urge to flip him off but couldn't stop the smart ass comment from slipping out. "Ally McBeal fan, huh? Damn. That means I owe Tara twenty dollars. I had you pegged as more of a Friends guy. Oh well."

His raised middle finger was the last thing she saw before the door slammed shut behind him.

He'd never been so embarrassed in his whole damned life. Never. Fuck if he was going back to that quack of a doctor. He didn't care how impressive her credentials were; she was out of her mind. Merle would fall down laughing if he could see his brother. That or kick his ass from now to eternity.

Standing in the middle of a crowded sidewalk, holding a card board sign that read "Free Hugs", wishing with everything in him that he suddenly gained the power of invisibility. It was torture. Absolute torture and he didn't know how much longer he could stand here without screaming at the top of his lungs.

A little girl, no more than eight, read his sign and then tugged on his shirt until he bent so that she could put her arms around his neck. She smelled like baby powder and bubble gum and she kissed him on the cheek after, telling him his scruff tickled. Her mother watched him warily but offered up a smile of her own when he awkwardly patted the little girl's shoulder and whispered his thanks.

The weird dude with the mullet almost got himself punched when he walked up without a word and threw both arms around Daryl, pulling him into a tight hug. After, he mumbled something about Halo and then took off toward a game store on the corner.

His next one came via a clean cut dude with a leather backpack slung casually across his shoulder. He stopped a few steps away, scanned the sign and then Daryl's face with equal intensity. He then opened his arms slightly and waited until Daryl nodded before moving closer. A quick embrace. A shoulder pat. And then it was done. The man introduced himself as Aaron and then he said very softly, "It's very brave, what you're doing. Good luck, my friend."

Two minutes to go and he was starting to think that just maybe he'd get through this with his pride intact. He admitted to himself, but would never do so to another living soul, that it wasn't as bad as he'd expected. One minute. Sixty seconds and he could toss the fucking sign and go get a beer. That's when he felt the gentle touch on his arm. He couldn't help the way he tensed under her hand, wary eyes darting up to meet pale sky blue.

"I'd like one please," she murmured almost too softly to hear.

"What?" He had no idea what she was talking about, too distracted by the teasing lift of her brows and the playful smile tugging her lips up at the corners.

"A free hug," she replied with a little nod to the sign he was now white knuckling. "I'd like one. Two would be better but I'm not greedy."

Daryl felt his face go up in flames at her teasing but stubbornly held his ground. He wadded the sign under one arm and held the other out, trying not to crawl out of his skin when she tucked herself into the curve of his body. She looped her arms around his waist and turned her face into his neck. He didn't know what the hell he was doing but he pulled her closer, his fingers splayed in the middle of her back. When she tightened her hold, he did the same.

The seconds stretched out into infinity as they stood there, people breaking around them like a water flowing around a rock in a stream. She nuzzled her cheek against him and sighed softly, falling completely into the embrace. His nose brushed the soft strands of hair at her crown, noting that she smelled like sunshine and lavender. It was….nice. Nothing to be afraid of. In fact, he thought he'd like to do this more often.

They might have stayed that way had his watch alarm not chosen that moment to shriek. They parted abruptly, both now blushing and avoiding the other's eyes. "Thank you," she murmured. "That was the nicest free hug I've ever gotten."

"My pleasure," he shifted uncomfortably, twisting his sign in nervous fingers. "You can have another anytime you want." Shit! Had he said that out loud? The smile she gave him then was luminous. He could hardly look at her.

"How about a cup of coffee first and then we'll work out how and when?" Her voice was teasing and eager by turns.

"Coffee sounds good," Daryl agreed and then, to his surprise, he offered her his hand and didn't even flinch when she took it. He made a mental note to thank Dr. Denise when he went for his next appointment but he wouldn't tell her why.


	2. Chapter 2

She fitted in my arms, she always had, and the shock of holding her caused me to feel that my arms had been empty since she had been away." r13; James Baldwin

Her look of confusion was priceless. Rarely was Dr. Denise Cloyd taken off her game by one of her patients. Today apparently was going to be that day.

Daryl Dixon came in and took his usual seat, stretched out his legs and crossed them at the ankles, chewed on his thumbnail and waited for her to say something. There were no impatient huffs. No arm waving. No announcements that this would be the last time that she ever laid eyes on him. In short, it was different from every other appointment they'd had thus far and it made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

"Good afternoon," she ventured into the silence. "Nice weather we're having." A barely there snort and a slight eye roll was all she got by way of reply. "I suppose I should ask how our little experiment went. Did you stay for the whole ten minutes?" That got her a nod and a blush that went to his hairline. "That's great, Daryl! Excellent! How do you feel about that?"

"Like a dumbass," he rasped. "Wanted to kick my own ass for agreeing to it."

It took everything she had to keep from rolling her eyes at his typical response. She'd expected no less of him. It was a given that he would follow through on his promise to do as she asked but that didn't mean he had to like it. It was one of the few consistent things about him. "Did you gain any insights during the exercise? Any thoughts you'd like to share?"

Daryl managed to shock her when he barked out a laugh. "You expecting a come to Jesus revelation, Doc? If so, I sure hate to disappoint you. Mainly, it was one big pain in my ass."

"Did anybody actually hug you?" She asked bluntly? Again, an intriguing redness climbed his cheeks.

"Three," he groused and then actually paused to count on his fingers. "No! Four! There was four total. I forgot the weird guy with the mullet. He said something about respecting my hair game before taking off. Don't know what my damned hair has to do with anything."

Feeling as if they were getting off track, she cut him off. "Just take it as a compliment. Let's move on. You say there were four? The mullet guy and who else?"

He shifted in his chair and then suddenly, was avoiding her eyes. "A preppy dude named Aaron. He looked like some kind of Bible salesman or something." Daryl shook his head and stared out the window as if lost in thought. "A little kid, a girl. She was packing a rag doll under her arm. Poor thing was almost in pieces." A sideways look and then he commenced to chewing on his thumb again. "And Carol."

Something in the way he said the name caught her attention. Sure enough, he was looking at the floor like it held the answer to life's great mysteries. His free hand curled into a fist in his lap, the knuckles taut and white. "Carol? Is that a friend? I don't believe you've mentioned her before."

"Just met her," he returned gruffly. "She saw the sign and took me up on it."

"I see," Denise hummed. "And you're now on a first name basis with this woman?"

"Ain't like that," he barked. "Don't talk about her like that."

Well, wasn't this an interesting development? "Daryl, do you want to talk about this?" No big surprise that he shook his head. "You know, you're my most infuriating patient. I probably shouldn't tell you that but it's true." She paused then, rubbing her cheeks with the pads of her fingers. "You remind me of someone I used to know. His name was Dennis. He didn't have much of a way with words either but he was sweet and brave and good. Things didn't work out." Her voice faltered but she forced herself to continue. "A lot of the reasons why were because of me and my shit. Mostly me not facing my shit. It was stupid. The point is," she concluded," you've taken a first step here. This Carol, I think you like her. Don't let something as silly as fear hold you back."

He didn't say a word. He just stared at her for a minute, nodded his head, and then slammed out of the office. "Good to see you too," Denise said to her office door since he was already gone. "Let me know how it goes."

He pulled out his phone and flipped through the contacts until he found her name. Before he could talk himself out it, he put the call through. Two rings and then her voice.

"Hello?"

"Hey," he answered, his voice quavering slightly. It almost pissed him off. "I was wondering if we could have that talk. Coffee again or maybe dinner?"

The silence stretched out over a handful of seconds. And then she laughed. He pressed the phone to his ear, eyes closed, thinking that he'd lost his damned mind. "I'd like that. Definitely dinner. I'll cook for you. We'll talk. Tonight?"

"Yeah," he rasped. "Seven o'clock?"

"It's a date." She laughed again. "See you later. And Daryl?" Her voice trailed off, drawing it out, waiting for him. He was right on the edge of asking when she whispered, "Maybe I'll take you up on your offer. See you at seven."


	3. Chapter 3

Dinner was agonizing and he didn't want the coffee she sat down in front of him, giving it an extra nudge to put it within easy reach. "And Daryl?" Her voice trailed off, drawing it out, waiting for him. He was right on the edge of asking when she whispered, "Maybe I'll take you up on your offer." He hadn't been able to think about anything else the whole evening. Part of him wanted to cut bait and make a run for it...the part that vowed never to go back to that damned doctor every time he left her office. Another part...that little voice in the back of his head that whispered it was time for him to man up and see where this could go...kept his ass in the chair, forcing a limp dick smile when he looked up and saw her smiling back at him.

"We could go to the couch if you want," she offered. "Or out on the porch. It's a beautiful night."

"Porch sounds good." Daryl rose and then picked up both cups, ducking his head as he gestured for her to lead the way. Carol flipped on a light as she pushed through the back door, letting him come out before turning it off again and closing the door. Eschewing the comfortable wicker chairs with their pretty flowered cushions, he sat down on the steps and stretched his legs out, crossing them at the ankles. He flinched when she eased herself down beside him and took one of the coffee cups.

"It's Irish," she confided after taking a slip. "Just enough whiskey in there to make it taste good."

Daryl mirrored her, taking a healthy swallow of the warm brew. The whiskey was there all right but mostly he tasted the rich smoothness of the cream coating his tongue. He could see her watching over the rim of her cup and then she shocked the hell outta him when she slid closer. "What'reyadoing?" The words came out in a rush, one breathless whisper.

"Do you like stargazing?" The question utterly confused him. Star gazing? What the hell? He followed her pointing finger to where a bright white speck hung on the horizon. "That's a planet, but the principle is the same. Do you ever just lie back and look up at the sky? It's amazing."

He'd never done such a thing in his life. A brief memory of Merle tracing constellations out of the stars back when they were kids flickered through his mind. Aquila the Eagle, Sagittarius the archer, Orion the hunter. Those were the only bedtime stories he'd ever gotten growing up. A phantom feel of frost bitten fingers and smoky breath and the grumpy hoot of an owl somewhere out in the dark. His eyes sought out the half forgotten forms and he pointed to Gemini. "My brother used to say that was me and him. Said we were going to find Sagittarius and Orion and get them to teach us. He got me my first bow for my tenth birthday. Best present I ever got."

"You have a brother?" Carol questioned eagerly as she inched ever so closer. "He's older then?"

"Older," Daryl answered absently as he sought out another familiar pattern. "That there is Cassiopeia. And over there is Andromeda. Merle knew their names but he didn't tell stories about them."

Carol laughed softly. "I don't know the names. I just like looking at them and feeling like I'm part of something bigger than myself. There's so much out there that we don't know but it's so beautiful, it's hard to be afraid."

Looking at her profile, bathed in starlight, Daryl knew exactly what she meant. It was hard to remember all the reasons he had for keeping his distance. She was sweet and good and there wasn't anything keeping him from making good on his offer. Throwing caution to the wind, his arm crept up and wound around her shoulders until she was right up against him. Carol didn't say a word as she nestled closer, a contented hum slipping out. Her hair was soft where it brushed his cheek and smelled of violets and sunshine. He bent his head until it rested on her crown and closed his eyes. Never in his life had he ever felt anything so good.

Still, she managed to one up him when she turned her head and kissed him lightly, closed mouthed and chaste and gone as soon as it appeared. Carol drew back, watching him with a gentle smile on her face. "There. That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Not bad at all," he returned, after giving a noisy sigh her grandma always called 'blowing out the butterflies' back in the day. "Think I might like to try it again though. Just to be sure."

"Daryl, I think that's a wonderful idea."

Carol did learn something from all the kisses that followed after. You could see stars even with your eyes closed.


End file.
